Friday, November 30, 2007
Giuliani's Shag Funds & Sheikh Friends
Reliable Rudy says: "I'm not just the NYC Shag Club president. I'm also a Shag Fund-hiding client. Don't believe me? Just ask my al-Qaeda connected sheikh BFF. He knows what a honorable guy I am and how immune I am to corruption when it comes to money and the honeys. Still don't believe me? I swear I'm sooo telling the truth that you can take this to the bank... err ... uh...... nevermind."
Happy Thanksgiving! Here's what I'm thankful for
Ignoring all of the shameful things our white early American ancestors have done to Native Americans... (ya know... like elbowing our way onto & into this continent by giving smallpox infected blankets to native Americans, and The Indian Removal Act, signed into law by Pres Andrew Jackson on May 28, 1830-- which paved the way for the reluctant—and often forcible—emigration of tens of 1000s of American Indians to the West and the complete cession of their land rights just to name only 2 repugnant and shameful acts)... Thanksgiving is still one of my favorite holidays. It is-- with the exception of the cooking hoopla, which I will be doing for my side of the family-- a straight foward fun day of feasting, talking, imbibing, relaxing, and reflecting upon what we should be thankful for. And it has been that kind of holiday since Abraham Lincoln declared it a national holiday in 1863... and I like that. So, in that "grateful" frame of mind, here are the things I am thankful for: Of course I am most thankful for my children, my husband, my family, my friends, our health and our humble finances. But I'm also pretty damn thankful THIS sex-crazy Religious Fright family is not my clan. I'm thankful I do not live in the South... and it's not just b/c of their votes electing God, gaybashers & guns. I'm thankful my children's names are not hung from tags on a Salvation Army Angel Tree, unlike the 2 kids we picked this season. I'm thankful that when visiting this local monastery to buy bread and really fabulous Wedding Soup (profits help out the nuns and charities) that I did NOT laugh outloud when Hubby leaned close behind me and whispered incredulously: "How can this soup be so freaking good? WTF do these ladies know about weddings?" I'm thankful that I do NOT have this kind of immoral job on my resume that forces me to "write a tell-all book" to purge my very tortured... err... bad Freudian slip... soul. I'm thankful that I don't have cancer, but what a shame that inhumane asshats like this have survived it. I'm thankful that I have HDnet thru my satellite provider, which allowed me to watch the new DePalma film "Redacted" last week before it opened... and unlike the wingnuts foaming at the mouth w/ venom over this film, I ACTUALLY watched it, and for the record O'Reilly, the scenes of our troops getting blown up and morally destroyed were just as horrific and disturbing to me as the scenes of the Iraqis getting blown away, morally destroyed and raped. I'm thankful I'm not married to THIS guy. I'm thankful that I'm not the faltering waaaay fast US dollar... or the barely breathing US economy. I'm thankful my mom, my sisters, my neices, my daughter, my BFF, and I do not live under the insane laws of Saudi Arabia. I'm thankful this Fox & Friends ass is not a lawyer, or cop, or even apparently, a US citizen w/ Constitutionally protected rights. I'm thankful I'm not elderly, living on Medicaid, and facing... eviction. I'm thankful that my loved ones are not currently serving in the military and/or had to face the extreme misfortune of getting injured under Emperor Emptyhead. And I'm incredibly thankful I don't have incurable incompetence, 9/11 Tourette's and 9/11 amnesia, or the need for the Jaws of Life to remove my willingly blind head from my bloodthirsty neo-con ass. Now, go unbutton your pants, consume your 5000 holiday feast calories, enjoy your friends & families... no matter how irritating they can be, raise a glass in joy, and have a very peaceful, thankful, and safe Thanksgiving.
Holy shnykees! What happened to my kids?
For the past week, my kiddos have been keeping this schedule: crying, blowing green snot out of their faces, crying, refusing to eat, crying, coughing up a lung, crying, running fevers, crying, wiping green snot on their faces, crying, feeling miserable... and oh yeah, did I mention crying? So this rare moment of peaceful rest has me worried... real worried. So worried in fact, that Hubby & I thought we should capture it on film... just in case. So, we have to ask: What or whom did this to them? Were they secretly extraordinarily renditioned and waterboarded? Feh. If so, at least I can reassure myself with this warm and fuzzy knowledge: America's soon to be Attorney General/ Torquemada Gonzales replacement Judge Mukasey does NOT know if waterboarding is torture. Were they simply struck down dead after hearing the utterly inexplicable shocking news that Bush (ya know, a prez whose spending exceeds every presidency combined) is claiming to be a fiscal conservative simultaneously in the same week that our nat'l debt reaches $9 trillion? Did they accidentally ingest some Chinese made "Aqua Dots" and are now under the dangerous influence of GHB, ya know, a date-rape drug? Did they fall into a catatonic state of Fundie Christian elation after hearing that the... ahem... always-so-relavant and sane Pat Robertson really, really hearts Rudy and really, really hates Islam?... a religion, by the way, which the good Rev Pat claims is NOT a religion. Hmm, is the real reason behind the kiddos' unexpected "slumber" that Hubby and I are completely too stupid to responsibily do our duty as parents and properly r-e-a-d the directions and the entire ingredients of an OTC medication and we just somehow mysteriously repeatedly dosed them to the point of death on some cold medicines? Or maybe, just maybe, the real push behind their peaceful rest is this disgusting Godsend of a product from Sweden that just arrived in the mail. Shh... nobody tell the Rev Fred Phelps. Although, even if we remove that "sinful" Sweden from the equation, BabyGirl IS wearing a tie-dyed shirt and Lil Man IS sporting one of his big sissy's hand-me-down pink bibs, so I'm sure the Cryptkeeper from Kansas would say that my "tree- hugging hippie" daughter and "crossdressing" son get whatever they deserve coming to 'em... sigh... Oh well, I guess I better enjoy this rare moment of quiet and collapse into my own state of sleep because anyone w/ a baby knows if the baby is finally quiet and sleeping, then everyone else in the house can finally sleep... and I would... if only I didn't have this incessant burning in my throat and need to blow my nose and cough... and for some inexplicable reason, some strange urge to cry.