Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Helen Wheels of Just Ain't Right Tags Me: I Answer as a Conservative Repuke
7 Things I Say:
1. If it ain't King James, it ain't Bible.
2. Hubby, am I allowed to speak?
3. C'mon kids, let's picket Planned Parenthood.
4. Chastity belts are so stylish!
5. War is hell, but my family will never know.
6. Freedom ain't free... but it is costing your grandkids a ton!
7. Jesus loves me, but He hates you.
7 Books I Like:
1. Christian Guide to Hand Guns
2. Alan Keyes' Guide to Parenting
3. FEMA Fashion Gods
4. Demonic Possession Handbook
5. Dubya's Even a Dumbass can Succeed when Your Daddy is Rich
6. Dick Cheney's Guide to Acting Human when You're Not
7. Laura Bush's Handbook to Psychotropic Drugs
7 TV Shows I Enjoy b/c Liberal Hollywood Movies are Evil:
1. The 700 Club's Hitlist
2. Hannity but not Colmes
3. GOP Softball w/ Chris Matthews
4. Joe Scarborough's Where your Dead Intern?
5. Nancy Grace's Where's the Missing White Folks?
6. Loofah Your Spin Zone w/Bill O'Reilly
7. John Gibson's Hair is Poofy Yellowcake from Niger
7 Things I enjoy about Cities:
1. The hungry, unwashed masses.
2. Pollution & smog... c'mon Rapture!
3. Laughing at the crack whores.
4. Parallel parking my gas hog Hummer.
5. Pointing at the poor in rundown housing.
6. Street preachers.
7. Stepping over the homeless.
7 Things I Cannot Do:
1. Perform a human sacrifice.
2. Stop lying.
3. Become compassionate.
4. Bring back debtors prisons/slavery.
5. Convince Oprah to put Ann Coulter on her book club list.
6. Face reality or accept social responsibility.
7. Resurrect J. Edgar Hoover or Joe McCarthy from the dead.
7 Things I Must Do Before I Die:
1. Tapdance on a famous liberal's grave.
2. Become a mime for the Lord.
3. Be a tourguide at Christian Broadcasting.
4. Attend an execution.
5. Destroy your grandkids' futures.
6. Sell Bibles in Mosques.
7. Attend Bush's coronation.