Thursday, November 08, 2007
Holy shnykees! What happened to my kids?
For the past week, my kiddos have been keeping this schedule: crying, blowing green snot out of their faces, crying, refusing to eat, crying, coughing up a lung, crying, running fevers, crying, wiping green snot on their faces, crying, feeling miserable... and oh yeah, did I mention crying? So this rare moment of peaceful rest has me worried... real worried. So worried in fact, that Hubby & I thought we should capture it on film... just in case. So, we have to ask: What or whom did this to them? Were they secretly extraordinarily renditioned and waterboarded? Feh. If so, at least I can reassure myself with this warm and fuzzy knowledge: America's soon to be Attorney General/ Torquemada Gonzales replacement Judge Mukasey does NOT know if waterboarding is torture. Were they simply struck down dead after hearing the utterly inexplicable shocking news that Bush (ya know, a prez whose spending exceeds every presidency combined) is claiming to be a fiscal conservative simultaneously in the same week that our nat'l debt reaches $9 trillion? Did they accidentally ingest some Chinese made "Aqua Dots" and are now under the dangerous influence of GHB, ya know, a date-rape drug? Did they fall into a catatonic state of Fundie Christian elation after hearing that the... ahem... always-so-relavant and sane Pat Robertson really, really hearts Rudy and really, really hates Islam?... a religion, by the way, which the good Rev Pat claims is NOT a religion. Hmm, is the real reason behind the kiddos' unexpected "slumber" that Hubby and I are completely too stupid to responsibily do our duty as parents and properly r-e-a-d the directions and the entire ingredients of an OTC medication and we just somehow mysteriously repeatedly dosed them to the point of death on some cold medicines? Or maybe, just maybe, the real push behind their peaceful rest is this disgusting Godsend of a product from Sweden that just arrived in the mail. Shh... nobody tell the Rev Fred Phelps. Although, even if we remove that "sinful" Sweden from the equation, BabyGirl IS wearing a tie-dyed shirt and Lil Man IS sporting one of his big sissy's hand-me-down pink bibs, so I'm sure the Cryptkeeper from Kansas would say that my "tree- hugging hippie" daughter and "crossdressing" son get whatever they deserve coming to 'em... sigh... Oh well, I guess I better enjoy this rare moment of quiet and collapse into my own state of sleep because anyone w/ a baby knows if the baby is finally quiet and sleeping, then everyone else in the house can finally sleep... and I would... if only I didn't have this incessant burning in my throat and need to blow my nose and cough... and for some inexplicable reason, some strange urge to cry.